Fear and self-soothing

Last week, I used the analogy of my life as a house, and talked about ten basics that make up its foundation. If those basics are the foundation, then self-soothing can be seen as the windows and doors to my house. When I’m anxious or afraid, I’m closed off to the world — windows and doors shut. When I’m able to self-soothe, those windows and doors are able to open.

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Back to the basics

10 things that helped me become a functioning human being

Last week, I talked about the three factors that brought me to a place of joy and, more importantly, emotional regulation: taking care of my basic needs, learning self-soothing techniques, and community. This week, I’m going to to talk about taking care of the basics: the foundation of living a stable and healthy life. 

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1,020 stairs

I'm at the bottom of the outside edge of a crater staring up. In front of me are 1,020 steep and uneven stairs to get to the top of the crater's edge. The climb is almost completely vertical (at least it feels that way). The "stairs" are wooden boards shoved underneath an old railway track of some kind. They are not up to code. Some are wonky, some don't have any ground beneath them, and some of them force you to practically climb up them with your hands. This is my hike for the day: to make it up all of those steps, (and climb a little further) to get to a supposedly amazing viewpoint.

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(When) it's time to ask for help

In one week I will be taking a medical leave of absence and checking into an intensive outpatient psychiatric program. While I don't know all of the details of the program yet, I know that it involves various types of therapy sessions several days a week, and will last at least a month. This is hard for me to admit; it's hard for me to share. I have just as many preconceived notions about what this program will look like as you're probably having right now. (Movies involving hokey portrayals of group therapy sessions come to mind.) But, despite my preconceived notions, and despite the anxiety I have about participating in something like this, I know it's what I need to do. I know it's what I need to do if I have any chance of getting better.

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