Last week, I shared a bit about my scoial anxiety and a particular example of how it manifested while I was at a large gathering. But, my social anxiety doesn't just come up in these "typical" social situations, it comes up everywhere. When I'm feeling anxious, any situation where I'm around other humans can raise my anxiety: grocery shopping, the lunch room at work, or even walking down the street. When I feel anxious, people don't feel safe to me. And, since I live in a sizeable city, there are a lot of people around, which means I spend a lot of time afraid. On the "better" days, I'm afraid that the people I encounter will judge me or think that I'm stupid. On my worst days, I'm afraid that people will hurt me. It's completely irrational, but so hard to turn off. The following is a small slice of what it's like for me on a typical day when I'm feeling anxious.

I've been watching Call the Midwife lately on the Netflix and, as I was making my way through the first season's Christmas special, this quote from dear Chummy (my favorite character) jumped out at me. Although the subject matter was slightly different in the episode, I thought that this was a perfect description of my own struggles with social anxiety: dreading being noticed and fearing you aren't visible at all. This paradoxical feeling—the desire to be seen and not be seen at the same time—is the core of my social anxiety. Most days I live with this feeling wrapped so tightly around my chest, it feels like a boa constrictor hugging me from the inside.