Living with mental illness
My adventures in living with mental illness; namely Bipolar II disorder, PTSD, and trichotillomania.
My life is a house. The basics are its foundation. Self-soothing: the windows and doors. And a strong community of people is what makes up the walls and roof of my house. Without that community, I would be exposed to the elements…not able to last very long on my own. But I have people that support me that make my house a home.
Read MoreLast week, I used the analogy of my life as a house, and talked about ten basics that make up its foundation. If those basics are the foundation, then self-soothing can be seen as the windows and doors to my house. When I’m anxious or afraid, I’m closed off to the world — windows and doors shut. When I’m able to self-soothe, those windows and doors are able to open.
Read MoreLast week, I talked about the three factors that brought me to a place of joy and, more importantly, emotional regulation: taking care of my basic needs, learning self-soothing techniques, and community. This week, I’m going to to talk about taking care of the basics: the foundation of living a stable and healthy life.
Read MoreTwo weeks ago, I wrote about joy, and how much of a new, strange feeling it was after living with depression and anxiety (etc.) for so long. I talked about how I felt the most alive I’ve ever felt in who-knows-how-long. But are all my days filled with joy now? No. Am I always filled with contentment and happiness? Certainly not. But that was never my goal in getting treatment. The goal was not to replace all the bad feelings with good feelings and be stuck in that shiny-happy place forever, but to feel the appropriate feelings at the appropriate times.
Read MoreIt's nearly spring in Portland and there are blossoms on trees starting to open up all around—crocuses pushing their way out of the ground—and the colors are spectacular. I try to be mindful of their beauty, as I take it all in, but, what I notice is not just the things in bloom, but all of the trees and bushes and flowers that have yet to open up. They're still waiting to bloom in their own time.
Read MoreWhen I started my outpatient therapy program, I didn't know what to expect. I thought it would help me learn some coping skills (which I have), and I hoped it might bring me some peace (which it has, as well), but I didn't expect to find something that I haven't felt in a long time: joy. Overwhelming joy.
Read MoreIt's been stormy in my brain lately. Full of fear. Full of anxiety. As you probably noticed, I didn't write last week, and that was because I was so engulfed in the storms of my brain that nothing would come out. I could barely come out of my shell and make it to my therapy program. On my one day off of therapy last week (last Thursday, when I usually publish my blog posts) I spent the day sleeping...all day. I would wake up and eat a meal and then go back to sleep. It didn't feel like any sort of human existence that I would recommend.
Read MoreAt the time of writing this I've almost been through one whole week of my Intensive Outpatient (Psychiatric) Program. It has been a roller coaster of a week, feeling all sorts of emotions...even ones that I didn't realize I had in me. When I first started the program I was completely anxious about going through therapy with a bunch of strangers and sharing scary parts of my life with them but, to my surprise, it's gotten easier. Why? Because each time I share something, there's at least one person who has been where I've been, or are currently in the same spot. And there are so many instances where others have shared something and I've nodded my head with–eyes welled up with tears–and thought, "me too."
Read MoreI'm having a terrible time trying to write this week, for two main reasons. One: there are a lot of shitty and terrifying things going on in the world going on right now, and they're making me feel overwhelmed. Two: I'm in the middle of some significant medication adjustments, and everything feels pretty hazy right now. I'm in that interim period where I'm waiting for my mood to level out again...emotional limbo
Read MoreThere have been some awesome comics about mental illness that have popped up in my news feeds lately, so I thought I'd share them with you all. I share them because sometimes having visuals like these brings a new level of meaning or depth to a story (especially when dealing with a subject that is seemingly intangible). These comics have done that for me. Click on the images to see the comics in their entirety.
Read MorePeople are the most important source of help when living with a mental illness. I do not say this lightly. Whether it's friends, family, or a therapist (hopefully all three), they are necessary for survival. However, there's something kind of paradoxical about this. When you're depressed or anxious, it's extremely hard to reach out to other people, and yet you need them so badly. There are so many days where I long for telepathic abilities, so that I don't have to pick up the phone and text someone that I'm having a bad day and need help
Read MoreIn my last three posts I shared what it's like (for me) to live with anxiety, depression, and trichotillomania. To summarize: living with mental illness involves some very bad days, where it's really hard to function. But, in this post I want to shift gears and talk about what I actually do on those bad days to make functioning a little easier—besides therapy and prescribed medications, which I fully support and recommend. I'm also hoping (selfishly) to get a little advice from you, dear readers, on what helps you get through those bad days, so that I can add more "tools" to my toolbox. The list below is categorized by illness but, obviously, there will be some things that are helpful across the board.
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